Do you know what Bananas Foster is? Although it sounds like the name of someone who works at Chuck E. Cheese during the day and then pole dances at night for nickels, it is actually a very yummy dessert. It's bananas, sugar and rum that gets lit on fire and then poured over ice cream. Most restaurants who serve it do the whole fire thing right at the table because people like seeing the show and they are okay with the singed eyebrows that may occur. But what if it goes beyond the singed eyebrows? Blame it on the waiter. If the waiter poured the 151-proof Rum directly from the bottle and into the flames and it caused the fire to travel up the stream of alcohol, into the bottle and then explode, that would be bad. The waiter might react by throwing the bottle and burning some people all up into fried wontons. A lady might receive third degree burns and be in some serious condition. Talk about a shitty dessert. It's one thing if the souffle falls or the warm apple cobbler is really just a crisp or the clafoutis is actually a flaugnarde. But to get burned up by your dessert order? Totally lame. If that happens, I hope the dessert is comped.
Wife: Oh, honey, let's order a Bananas Foster and have them light it on fire a few inches from my 100% polyester outfit. Want to? Huh? Doesn't that sound fun?
Husband: I dunno. I'd rather just have a scoop of ice cream from the place down the street. Then we can walk together and hold hands as we eat it.
Wife: Oh, poo! That's no fun. I want excitement in our lives, dear. Not another boring vanilla ice cream on a sugar cone kind of night, but excitement! Like a flaming dessert inches away from my hair that is full of flammable product that I bought at the Winn-Dixie.
Husband: Well, we could get Rocky Road in a waffle cone, how about that?
Wife: You're no fun! Oh waiter! Waiter? Yoo hoo? Oh hello, there. Can we order a Bananas Foster and make sure you light it after I have pulled my chair as close as possible to your dessert table because I want my husband to get a picture of me while I am a few inches away from fire.
Waiter: Yes, ma'am. I'll be right back.
Wife: Honey, you get your iPhone ready. I'm gonna go to the little girls room and freshen up my face and put some more hairspray in my hair.
Husband: We could get a chocolate malt and share it with two straws as we sit under the moonlight and gaze into each others eyes. Maybe? Wouldn't that be nice?
Wife: Oh, poo! That's boring! I'll be right back.
(five minutes later)
Waiter: One Bananas Foster for the lady? I shall light the skillet and then I will-
Wife: Make the fire really big! This is gonna be my new profile picture on MySpace. Honey get ready!
Husband: Alright. Say, "cheese."
Wife: Cheese! And Bananas Foster!!! Oh my God! My head is on fire. My head is on fire! Help me! Sweet Jesus, help me!
Husband: I knew we should have had an ice cream cone.
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